A phrase that I’ve developed a strong disliking towards is “all the good in _(insert name here)__ outweighs all of the bad.” I’ve heard it used a lot recently as a justification for people to stay in relationships, friendships, and to continue pursuing connections that have reached a dead end. It’s basically saying, “investing in this person is worth it because they have these things about them that stand out despite the shitty stuff they’ve done or their incompatible qualities.” Why do we give more value to the good over the bad? Isn’t the bad equally as troubling as how admirable the good is?
It’s as if you went to the grocery store and decided to buy some grapes, and out of all the bags of grapes, you picked out the one with a bunch of spoiled ones– molding and wrinkling– and said, “You know, there are a lot of bad grapes in here, but I’m sure the good ones taste really good.” Be honest. That would never happen. You’d take your time to pick around the pile of produce and look for the best of the crop to get your money’s worth. Some people are going to say that comparing buying grapes to a relationship is just an outlandish metaphor, but think about it. Objectively, if you can put the good and the bad of a person on a scale and measure them to decide if they are worth your time and energy, then it’s practically the same concept. You’re taking on the persona of the “smart consumer.” And I’m not saying there’s a perfect bundle of grapes without a single blemish out there, but why wouldn’t you try searching for the best you can find before settling for raisins?
Just say what it is without trying to justify your decisions: You still want the bad grapes no matter the cost. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s your life, your decisions. It’s just important to be able to identify that you’re not tied to this one person, and if they have these flaws, that you choose to accept all of their sour grapes. It, in fact, makes you look more foolish and naive to say that “all the good outweighs the bad.” That, to me, is just openly admitting how blindly you are pursuing a connection despite all of the red flags and warning signs. You’ve counted all of the bad grapes and you are fearless in the face of probable food poisoning. That’s okay, but don’t try to justify someone’s BS with the fact that they make you smile and have an unavoidable twinkle in their eye. Maybe you’re just better equipped to stomach the bad things than most. That’s great. Good for you, really, but that still does not equate “the good outweighs the bad.” That’s “I was born with a digestive tract made of steel.”
Thanks for taking the time to read my random rant. I can’t believe it’s been 4 months** since my last post. I’ve been super busy with grad school so I haven’t had a ton of time to keep up with reading my favorite blogs, let alone write in mine.
I don’t really like October. It’s the time of year when my asthma flares up and I become a huge nuisance in my classes for my constant coughing. I also don’t enjoy Halloween (I just hate horror movies and getting scared in general). Midterms are also a thing that exist around this time. Everything about October pretty much sucks, haha. I’m basically Charlie Brown getting rocks on Halloween. Which is exactly why I found it appropriate to write about something that irks me to relinquish some of the misery I typically feel during this month. Maybe I’ll do this every October
if I ever manage to keep up with this blog enough to make it to another October.
Sidenote, WordPress reminded me a while ago that my blog has hit its 4 year anniversary. As always, thank you to those who continue to follow my blog. Your support is everything. From 4th-11th grade, I had this insane dream of becoming a writer. I used to invent stories with hopes of becoming a best-selling author one day, and it is your readership that allows me to live a small piece of this dream. Thanks to my friends who feel obligated to read my stuff, and thanks to those on WordPress who have willingly spent some time to provide comments and feedback. Without all of you, I would read and ramble all of this to myself. 🙂
**Note: I have deleted a post from 4 months ago since publishing this post because I wasn’t happy with it.